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Roller coaster...some days good, some days bad. Can't really talk about this on FB, folks don't know he committed suicide outside of family and very close friends.

Getting all the news in bits and pieces. But far as we can tell, he did something bad, something he felt he could go to jail for. It (whatever it is) was found out and the people were going to tell his boss. Now my brother was a very impulsive person for good and bad. And did make mistakes. But had a very good heart and loved his family and friends very much. Kendrick doesn't want to know what it is...I do and have to to be able to deal with my niece and nephew. No matter what it was, he was my brother and I love him very much.

Noone could have seen this coming...not his fiance, nor his children, nor his family. He had been through the death of his first wife - who he loved dearly, our father, our brother in the last 20 years. All of which affected him very deeply.

Ya wonta know how much I hate the fact there was a gun in his house? How fucking easy it was to grab it and kill himself with it in a moment of his deepest despair? What would have happened if there was no gun there....he may have done it anyways but would have had to work harder at it and maybe, just maybe would come to his senses.

They talk about mental health and not allowing folks with issues to have a gun. How do you know when to not permit that? When they blow themselves away or a schoolroom of children?

Have to deal with my brother's fiance and her children and grandchildren. Her daughter and the grandchildren found John's body. The grandchildren are 10-15 years old. They lived with John and his fiance.

My niece is very upset and on FB venting. She is implying John was being bullied. But we won't know til we get together and take the various pieces of the puzzle and try to find out and then decide what we need to do.

LJ is a very safe place for me to vent, one one or two people actually read my postings. And that is a good thing. Need to vent somewhere.

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