fucking drained....

[medievalbooks]

My brother committed suicide last night. Got a little sleep, not much. Staying by the phone to answer questions, deal with other members of family. It was not expected. He killed himself with a gun. His girlfriend's children and grandkids (teenagers) found him. Processing all this. Loved my brother, was closest to him. We were the nerdniks, dweebs, rednecks in the family. Everyone else is sophisticated. Plus I need to go to the Oncologist this afternoon and get the bad news.

Talked to my nephew to see how I can help. Found out that there is a group that comes in and cleans the house after a suicide, that is trained for that. His girlfriend had flown home to deal with putting her mom in hospice. Now she is flying back to deal with John. Can life get any suckier?

Mom is being told this afternoon that John died in his sleep. Wanted so badly that John and my bro Matt came to get her in her sleep. She shouldn't have to deal with this.

Comments

[stitchwhich.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, Dru. I'm so sorry. I shared your news with Arni before he went to bed. He said that he wished you were not so far out of our driving zone. Else, believe me, we would be on the road to you and Kendrick.

[(Anonymous)]

And while ordinarily I would have been ecstatically happy if you were to do that...I am so drained I couldn't deal :) Thanks for the oh so kind thought tho. Have had another friend offer to come down but asked them not. Not enough emotional wherewithal to deal with anything.

Have been on FB trying to answer people's questions etc. Tis my way of staying sane while waiting to find out what the girlfriend, niece and nephew wants to do next. And they are too numb to make any kindof decision. And it isn't my place. So I am doing what I can without stepping on anyone's toes.

Best way to reach out to me offering support is here via lj or fb, that way I can handle things at my own speed. Right now, it is minute by minute. Living by the phone in case family calls. Mom was told yesterday he died in his sleep. Didn't want to tell her the whole truth at this time..not sure if we will ever. I talked to her last night, she is doing ok.

If you are religious, could stand a bit of meditations, prayers especially for the girlfriend Roxanne and her family and my niece Cassie. They are not handling things well and I am worried.