fucking drained....

My brother committed suicide last night. Got a little sleep, not much. Staying by the phone to answer questions, deal with other members of family. It was not expected. He killed himself with a gun. His girlfriend's children and grandkids (teenagers) found him. Processing all this. Loved my brother, was closest to him. We were the nerdniks, dweebs, rednecks in the family. Everyone else is sophisticated. Plus I need to go to the Oncologist this afternoon and get the bad news.

Talked to my nephew to see how I can help. Found out that there is a group that comes in and cleans the house after a suicide, that is trained for that. His girlfriend had flown home to deal with putting her mom in hospice. Now she is flying back to deal with John. Can life get any suckier?

Mom is being told this afternoon that John died in his sleep. Wanted so badly that John and my bro Matt came to get her in her sleep. She shouldn't have to deal with this.